


unknowable

by maisiedaisy



Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: M/M, Vague, adam monologues about ronan, alternating POV's, honestly idk why i wrote this, i was on happy juice (i was drunk yo) when i wrote this, idk what this is, ronan also has thougths, so it may not make sense
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-02
Updated: 2017-05-02
Packaged: 2018-10-26 18:14:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,101
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10792041
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/maisiedaisy/pseuds/maisiedaisy
Summary: There are two types of unknowable. There’s Adam Parrish and there’s Ronan Lynch.When Adam says, “I am unknowable” he says, “I am unlovable”.When Adam thinks, “Ronan is unknowable” he thinks, “Ronan is otherworldly”.~~~~~~Adam muses about Ronan and then a plot kind of happens maybe but the entire thing is vague.





	unknowable

**Author's Note:**

> All right so, I was slightly buzzed on Bacardi when I wrote this, I apologize for the loose plot and all around vagueness of it. But yeah enjoy, I guess. It's not too bad for something written by me when I'm tipsy. It's short but like, yeah.

There are two types of unknowable. There’s Adam Parrish and there’s Ronan Lynch. 

 

When Adam says “I am unknowable” he says “I am unlovable”. He says it to a swiftly shifting Cabeswater, to a green-filtered bedroom, a stack of books, and a rumple of sheets on the floor. He says it to himself when his eyes linger on the stretch of Ronan Lynch’s neck a second too long. It’s the truest thing his father ever taught him―beat it into him when he was young and impressionable. It’s the one lesson that stuck with him, doesn’t try to shape it into something else because what else could Adam be? He is Cabeswater eyes and hands and he is so ungrounded that who could possibly hold his heart still? 

 

_ Ronan Lynch is as every bit fascinated with Adam Parrish as Gansey is with the Raven King. Finds himself losing seconds to the the pulse in the other boy’s neck, can’t keep his eyes off of the dusty sweep of his hair against his lowered lids. Adam is sprawled across the couch, breathing deeply, and the room is stifling, overbearing. Ronan can feel every movement and hear every rustle, there’s an itch under his skin akin to the way Kavinsky gets under it. Gansey notices Ronan’’s restlessness, tells him to take a ride if he’s gonna be so distracting. Ronan sneers something, halfheartedly,  because Adam is waking slowly, like the way the sun bleeds out in the morning. “I’ll see you later.” His voice is gruff, knowable and obvious and he leaves before Gansey can tell him to bring Adam with him. _

 

When Adam thinks “Ronan is unknowable” he thinks “Ronan is otherworldly”. Ronan is the glimmer of the streets under speeding cars, the curve of the road, and the blanket of the night against a fiery sunset. He is every dream any child has ever had, the enigma of a nightmare oddly contrasting with the comfort of warm blankets and a familiar fireplace. He is everything that doesn’t fit together in this world. A junkyard of lost toys and forgotten dream and broken hearts. Adam can hardly breathe around the other boy, finds himself holding his breath, holding his spine up. 

 

_ Ronan doesn’t like the way Adam sometimes seems to understand him. Is caught off guard when Adam listens attentively to what he says. It’s unnerving, Ronan thinks, to be known so well. Impossible, more like it. He’s pretending, Ronan thinks to himself in moments of vulnerability, he doesn’t know me at all, he knows what he sees and he thinks he knows what he doesn’t.  _

 

Adam first learns he is knowable when he catches Ronan’s eyes catching on the twist of his fingers around the doorknob of a classroom. Sees the subtle swallow, knows that look, knows the tight knot Ronan must be feeling in his chest. He says nothing because Ronan is as unreachable as he is unknowable―pushing him before he’s ready is like lighting a lamp soaked in gasoline.

 

_ Ronan stares at Adam too much now, can’t keep his eyes off of him anymore. It’s so similar to the sick obsession Kavinsky has with Ronan that he feels almost ashamed. But then Adam catches his eyes and smiles something secret _ ― _ it’s enough to set him alight.  _

 

Adam first learns Ronan is knowable when he smiles at something Adam says, doesn’t offer to pay for Adam’s meal, and lets him drive his BMW home. It’s such a Ronan kindness that Adam thinks maybe he can figure the dreamer out. 

 

_ Ronan knows Adam has it figured out, he’s not exactly subtle with his attentions. Doesn’t think he’d bring it up so soon and in front of Gansey. Ronan wouldn’t mind, doesn’t care, except that the way Adam says it is smug, knowing. It sounds too close to Declan’s mocking to be anything but and Ronan’s defenses fly up so fast he knows Adam can see it. _

 

Adam realizes Ronan is truly unknowable by Adam Parrish when the kindness he showed Adam is thrown away by a few carefully placed insults and a cold look. Gansey tries to throw water on the fire before it’s too late but if Ronan is anything than he’s a car bomb―once you set him off he’s explosive and there’s no stopping him. Adam knew, he fucking knew he shouldn’t have edged Ronan along the cliff, but the stares were getting more common and more heated, it was lighting something low and heavy in Adam’s belly. Ronan snarls that he’s not Gansey’s fucking dog and there’s silence for a moment, silence before Ronan turns his snapping jaws onto Adam and tears into him like he’s raw meat. After it’s done, Adam can hardly breathe and Ronan is so angry the car is pulsing with it. “Get out.” Gansey says quietly, so quietly his anger is evident. “Get out and don’t come back till you’ve cooled off.” Ronan slams the door three times as he leaves.

 

_ Ronan feels like nothing next to Parrish. Dreamer, son of a dreamer, son of a dream, brother to a dream, fades to rough, mean, angsty teenage boy. He’s familiar with the annoyance in Parrish’s eyes, knows he’s pushing too hard, trying to find a switch in the other to flip. Gansey tells him, “enough” but Ronan Lynch is not a fucking dog and he can decide when enough is enough for himself. He should’ve kept his fucking mouth shut though.  _

 

Ronan comes home late and smelling like Kavinsky’s toxic cocktail of leather, alcohol, and gasoline. Gansey has calmed down, forgiven Ronan, and explained to Adam why Ronan reacted the way he did. Adam didn’t mean it, didn’t mean to sound condescending and mocking. If anything he meant to sound comforting and even a little flirtatious but  _ man that backfired.  _ Ronan rolls his neck as he shuts the door with a kick, a violet bruise glimmers wetly against the soft light of the room and it doesn’t take much for Adam to know who that came from. He tries not to feel jealous because Ronan is unknowable, he is not his. “Ronan.” He starts but is silenced with the withering look Ronan casts his way, cooly. “Fuck you, Parrish.” Adam smiles at him, big and bright, and Ronan Lynch’s ice exterior shimmers a little. “Goodnight Ronan.” Adam says. Ronan is quiet for a long, stretching moment, “Night Parrish.” His voice his gruff but soft, the heat behind his words gone and Adam smiles to himself. 

 

_ Ronan Lynch is unknowable, unreachable, and unsavable. _

 

Adam Lynch is knowable and Ronan Lynch is vulnerable. 

**Author's Note:**

> Yo yo thanks for reading. Peace.


End file.
